AMerrick

Any suggestions out there on how to fight the food I shouldnt be eating?  I am losing weight although Im not eating the greatest.  I need to start eating better.  I dont feel too bad, most the time but still. 

 Any suggestions on how to fight the hunger after working out?  I have that issue too!

My funny for the day. ;)  I looked down and noticed my belly is no longer bigger than my boobs.  that is a strong indicator that what I am doing is working.  Which makes me extremely happy.  :)  Go ahead and laugh all you want, I know I did! 

 Oh and BTW, I am the happiest and healthiest I have been in a VERY long time.  I just thought you might want to know that!

I think, I am finally out of the funk I was going through.  Im finally all healled up from both my sun poisoning and my infected hang nail.  Last night, I went to the gym, for an hour.  Although it wasnt as long as it usually is, I did have a pretty intense workout.  And I did for once have my heart in it again.  :)  Aside from my hour at the gym, I played Golds Gym Cardio Workout at home on the wii.  I felt wonderful afterwards. 

This weekend, I have found myself not hungry, so its been hard to make myself eat.  Any suggestions in what to do?  I try not to eat if Im not hungry, but should I force myself?  Anyone else find themselves having this problem?  Here it is almost 5pm and I havent ate yet today.  I have been busy, and just havent had the urge to eat.  I know thats probably frowned upon, but what should I do? 

I finally fixed my MP3 player, I find that I workout harder when I can chose what I am listening to.  The last couple weeks, that my mp3 player was messed up, I found it harder to workout.  I feel alot better when I have the ambition to get through a long intense workout.  My music helps me get the job done.  :) 

I have had a slow, but fun weekend.  Too bad I have to go back to work tomorrow.  :(  Still maintaining at the 289 mark.  ugh.  Hope to get over that hump this week.  Wish me luck!

 ***UPDATE*** I lost 2 more pounds so I am at 287!

At the beginning of my weight working out, and eating/drinking better I was struggling just to latch my bra on the very last latch.  I wasn’t about the go out and by one of those extentions, that would make me feel fatter than I already felt.  I am pleased to say, Saturday I latched my bra and now I can latch it on the first latch, and its lose.  So that must mean Im losing in my bust area, which I most definately can afford to lose.  I am happy and excited t osee these results.  I didn’t think i would notice too much at this moment in time.  I have noticed my neck is alot thinner, which it makes me feel really good.

Hoping to see a difference in my legs and abdomen in the near future.  When I do, I am sure I will write about it. 

Anyone else out there see an improvement in themselves that they would like to share?

I woke up today, knowing it was a fresh start for the things I have failed over the past week or so.  Although, I didn’t make it to the gym last night, I did play golds gym cardio workout on my wii last night.  I got really nice and intense workout.  It was worth the half hour that I worked out doing it.  I have been doing alot better on what i eat.  I started my day off today with some eggs, for the protein, and toast.  I am sure I will get a subway sandwich on flat bread today. mmm good!  Although, I won’t make it to the gym, or workout tonight since I have to work early in the morning but I am going to keep busy at work. 

I am finally feeling better after the sun poisoning and the problem I was having with my finger, its getting better.  I am finally feeling back up to par.  Tomorrow, after work, I will be working out because I need to and i want to.  Its going to be the most intense workout that Ive had in a long time.  My body needs it & wants it.

Today, I recieved a nasty email from the girl I have been trying to break ties from.  She accused me of things I didn’t do, and flew off the deepend because I didn’t support her through something she did that I didn’t approve of.  I kindly wrote her back telling her that I am done with her, and that I don’t need her daily drama.  Its not worth all of the hassle she puts me through.  I told her the next time she doesn’t have anyone to turn to, not to turn to me.  Because I am done with her.  I feel better and it feels like a brand new day!  :)  I can honestly say, I am having the best summer I have had in a VERY long time.  Its because I have started working on myself, and because I have removed myself from the people who drag me in the dirt.  I love my life and Im not going back to where I was.  I am the strongest I have been in a very long time.  I am living for me and my husband, and nobody else! 

Its a new day, and its getting better all the time.  Losing the weight and resisting things is getting better, as well as making myself workout it getting easier.  I am only looking forward from this day on.  Seeing the woman I can and will be once I hit my peek, I just can’t wait and see what I do turn into..

The beginning of the rest of our lives.  November 2003

Its hard to believe, in just a few weeks we have been together for 6 wonderful years.  In those years, I/we have been through alot together.  We have went through, and over come things that most couples couldn’t even dream of.  You have watched me mature from a young adult to the beautiful woman I am today.  It is because of you, that I am here today.  Your love, has given me a new meaning of life.  You continuing support, guiding me, and helping me make the right choices in my life.  Even when I’ve chose to make some bad choices, you have been there for me, loving me and comforting me. 

Just 9 months ago, you took my hand in marriage, as you promised my daddy when he passed away.  You have been far more patient with me than I would ever be with myself.  I love you, for never giving up on me and always believing in me.  Right now, is when I need you believing in me more than ever.  I have struggled with my weight for years, as you know, although you love me the way that I am, I need this for my health and the sake of our future children.  I need your strength when I feel weak, and I need your guidance when I want to give up.  You have already reminded me not to give up or give in because it hurt, that only means its doing the job. 

Because of you, I am here today to fight for my life.  I am here today, to work hard on myself so that one day we can have a healthy family.  Because of you, I have a reason to fight for what I want.  Because of you, I will not give up. 

Today, I stepped on the scale and finally hit the 20 pounds lost.  After the last two weeks of struggling I am finally over that small hump I have been working so hard for.  This week, I am giving it my all, and nothing less.  Even if it takes his love to get me through it all.  I want him to be able to fit his arms completely around my waist like he originally was able to.  I’m sure, alot of you know what its like when you first start dating and don’t want to eat around one another for awhile.  Well he gave me no choice, it was either eat or he would make me eat.  I chose to eat, and now that I have done what I haven’t done with past boyfriends I have gained weight.  Most of it came when I hit rock bottom, but I am now trying to undo all of the harm that Ive done to myself.  I just need people to help me believe in me.  I need that boost once in a while, just to remind me that I am worth what I am working so hard for.  So that when I have those weak moments I can remember that this is something that my body needs excessively.  Its time to be strong, I can not break.

I decided, that I needed to get serious about taking care of me, and turning my life around; both physically and mentally.  I often say I am going to do it, but at times I just give up.  Its time that I get serious about all of it, so I took some time this morning and did a little bit of research, and I thought I would share some of it with you guys.  

Obesity is a medical condition in which excess body fat has accumulated to the extent that it may have an adverse effect on health, leading to reduced life expectancy. Body mass index (BMI), which compares weight and height, is used to define a person as overweight (pre-obese) when their BMI is between 25 kg/m² and 30 kg/m² and obese when it is greater than 30 kg/m². Obesity is associated with many diseases, particularly heart disease, type 2 diabetes, breathing difficulties during sleep, certain types of cancer, and osteoarthritis. Obesity is most commonly caused by a combination of excessive dietary calories, lack of physical activity, and genetic susceptibility, though a limited number of cases are due solely to genetics, medical reasons or psychiatric illness.

The primary treatment for obesity is dieting and physical exercise. If this fails, anti-obesity drugs may be taken to reduce appetite or inhibit fat absorption. In severe cases, surgery is performed or an intragastric balloon is placed to reduce stomach volume and or bowel length, leading to earlier satiation and reduced ability to absorb nutrients from food.

Obesity, is something, alot of us suffer from.  Some of us are having the hardest time getting out of that obese catergory.  Instead of sitting her dwelling on it, I am finally taking actions for all of the weight, I have put on over the past years.  I have always been big, as a child I always had a bell on me but nothing serious.  I know, that if I try my hardest I can get out of this catergory.  I have to or it will be the death of me one day.  I want to be able to run, and play with my kids when I do happen to have them.  I want to live past the age of 50, which if I follow my dad’s side of the family I will die somewhere in my 50’s.  I have so much to live for and I don’t want this to be the death of me.  I can’t let this horrible disease kill me.  I am too young to be so “ill”.

I must start watching what I am eating, I must start working out harder and more intensively.  I am hoping if I workout hard enough the skin will shrink so I wont look so bad.  But I am not sure it will even help me with the excessive skin.  I am only hoping.  I can and will do better.

Beating Obesity..

Firstly stop consuming food that is high in fats such as burgers, fries or cakes. Before you go about implementing an obesity cure, you need to admit that you have a problem. When you have the urge to eat, take fruits or pre-cut vegetables instead. They not only help combat weight loss but keep the body healthy as well.

Get the doctor’s advice before you begin losing weight especially if you are in excess of 50 pounds overweight. They will be able to give you the appropriate tips on the right diet and program for you.

Other obesity cures include surgery or having your own personal trainer. Besides all the methods, you must look deep within and see whether subconsciously you have a problem as well such as an eating disorder or maybe a fear of losing weight successfully? When this is done properly, you will be better equipped to face the challenges of losing weight. Remember that losing weight does not happen overnight. Have an obesity chart which include family and friends. This way you will keep your progress in check and they can help support you when it gets tough.

In the end it is just a matter of how badly you want to beat obesity. Once you form very strong habits, you will never look back.

I am finally ready to change myself, for myself and my future.  I don’t want to be one of the numbers when they look back at the Whitakers and say that I followed the footsteps when I am trying despirately not to be.  I want to keep away from all of the health problems that come with being a Whitaker.  i love and value myself too much.  I think, after doing this research, I will do better.   I can, and will change my life.  Its time to get serious about watching my intake of Calories, Carbs, Fats, ect.  What I need to do, is figure out how many of what I actually need in order to function along with my workout schedule. 

Looking forward to seeing what I can be in the future!  This is either going to be the life or death of me, and I am choosing for it to be the life of me.  I am living my life for me & my husband.  I can’t give up, just because something doesn’t work.  

Hope my findings help some of you out, as they are helping me.  

Over the past week or so, I haven’t been working out as much as I was in the beginning.  Between my sunburn, sun poisoning, and busy schedules I just haven’t had time to get into the gym and do what needs to be done.  Today, I will be making a trip to the gym, one way or another Im working out today.  I can not go another day without working out. 

Yesterday, I only ate twice, I wasn’t hungry most of the day yesterday.  I ate around noon, and then around midnight last night.  I went out with some friends to a strip club, my very first experience, I had some drinks and some good times.  :)  I didn’t feel too bad yesterday/last night, aside from my lips still hurting from the sun blisters.  They are getting better, and slowly going away. 

My goal this week, is to work out atleast an hour and a half a day, all week.  Time to work on getting that body shaped up.  I was doing soo well and then all of a sudden I fell off of the band wagon.  :(  I know, my body probably needed the break, but I hate the way its left me feeling.  I hope this week is very successful. 

Since my stomach is growling at me excessively, and I just realized I hadn’t ate yet today, I better get off of here and find something to eat.  Hope everyone had a great weekend, and hope you all have a great week ahead of you!

The cause of irritations, lack of ambition, and frustration has been from the fact that I was in the process of starting my period.  In which it chose to come today.  Ugh, knowing I had plans today.  Damn mother nature.  Im trying to make the best of it, but its kinda hard when mother nature tries to rain on my parade.  Aside from the negative pregnancy test, and the period starting, I think its safe to drink some tonight.  YAY!  I need a few.  Hoping for a good night.  Then tomorrow, I must visit the gym!

July 31, marks four years since my daddy has passed away.  Unlike, the last three years i am going to make it a joyous occassion.  Instead of mourning his death, I will be celebrating his life.  The life he lived, and the life he lives now.  For the past three years, I haven’t been able to ease the pain because I didn’t want to admit that he is gone.  But, over the past four years, I have grown and and matured into the woman I am today.  I have finally come to terms with myself, that he is better off in heaven where I know he is.  I can’t physically see him, touch him, or hear him, but in my dreams I can.  Yes, I do miss him, but i understand the reasoning behind his death.  He couldn’t fight the pain any longer, he needed peace for himself and us children.  Its not came out as good as he was hoping, but Im hoping with time that it will get better.  He saw us kids pulling together through his dying days, and thought thats how we would deal with his passing, but its not how it worked out.  His death has caused so many fights and distance between all of us.  It saddens me that it didn’t pull us closer like we promised one another.  But, I am only one person, and I can only do so much.  I love all of my family, even if they don’t love me.  When I was a youngin I was taught that two wrongs don’t make a right, and I follow that quite often. 

On July 31, instead of crying for my daddy, I will be smiling for him.  He lived through alot of things that none of us will ever understand or go through.  When he was dying i found out his life wasn’t as easy as i always thought it was.  So many people judged him for all of his years of drinking, but thats the only way he knew how to kill the pain that he had endured over the years.  He lost so much in his 57 years of life.  The one thing I never let him lose was; my love for him.  All of my life, I was and always will be daddys little girl.  I can’t be that so much now, as I could in the past, but that is something that will always remain.  People often worry about me because I talk about him often, but that is how I chose to remember him.  I don’t want to forget a moment that I had with him.  Althought I’ve had some bad mixed with the good.  My daddy will always be the first man I loved.  At times I think the song, “I loved her first” by Heartland was meant for me.  The first time I heard that song it made me cry.  When I hear the song “Butterfly Kisses” I always think of him.  I can listen to it without getting all teary eyed anymore. 

Life is getting better, and I am able to cope with the things that I have gone through, over the past four years.  I can look at a picture of my daddy and not cry as I would in the past.  I think of the pictures of a reminder of who he was and what he looked like, when I have days that I cant remember.  It may seem weird but it happens after years of not being around one another.  I still miss not going to see him everyday, I even miss not driving to Ft Wayne to see him in the hospital, which is something I hated doing.  I miss his smile, and the way he kissed me on my forehead after a long visit together.  Those are some memories that I will forever cherish. 

I live for the days that I see him in my dreams.  The days that I go up and sqeeze the life out of him because I have missed him soo much.  It gives me laughter when I see him and he tells me about exciting news.  Such as the last dream, he told me he had a girlfriend, her name is Amy.  That cracked me up, and I don’t even know where that dream came from.  I am happy he no longer suffers the pain that he had for so long.  I am happy he is finally able to live life painfree. 

When July 31 rolls around, I will be painless but filled with happiness.  I know thats how he would want me to be.  I have been through soo much over the past four years, but it has all been worth it in the long run.  I have learned a lot of lessons that I wouldn’t have without my daddy passing away.  I will not mourn, i will smile.  July 31 marks the day that my daddy started his new life, his life of being painfree and full of life in a way none of us can understand or see.  I have finally set my mind free, I am free to be happy.  No more tears of sadness, but tears of joy! 

This happiness frees me up, so that I can and will be happy.  Happiness is what I need to motivate me to keep doing the good that I have been for myself.  I want and need to be what I looked like before my daddy passed away.  I am finally free me.