AMerrick

Started this new day off right.  I woke up 7 hours after I went to sleep, I forcefully made myself get up, and I feel so much better.  I got around and drove to my moms house, where I spend a majority of my day.  I made my lunch for work as soon as I got here, that way I had no reason to not want to take my lunch.  Then I made me my breakfast, as I ate I sat here and worked on my food journal.  Something I had been neglecting for a while.  From now on, if I eat it, its getting written down.  So maybe I will be less tempted to eat those things that are bad for me. 

I really fell like I’m off to a good start.  I’m thinking about taking a walk around the block before I have to get around for work.  I have a little over 2 hours until I have to be to work.  I figure getting a walk in will help me with my exercise for the day, since I wont be making it to the gym tonight.  I work til 11 tonight, then I have to be back at work at 9 am, for a short shift.  Tomorrow, I plan on taking my workout clothes with me in the morning.  That way I can go straight to the gym after work. 

I have a problem with being hungry after I workout, so I bought me some slimfast high protein powder.  I am going to give that a try and see if it does the job for me.  I am hoping. I’ve started a new day, in which I am going to get back on track and stay away from pop first and foremost.  And I am going to try to stay away from my weaknesses.  Wish me luck.  

I’ve found the reasons within me to lose the weight I so despirately need to lose.  I am tired of being out of breath when I climb stairs, or chase after a child running away form me.  Its something I must do to take care of me.  The thought of me getting much bigger scares the shit out of me.  I see “bigger” women everyday, and I think go that I am not that person.  When in reality, if I don’t do what’s best for me, then I will end up like them. 

I look at myself everyday, and tell myself I can accept what I see, when I really can’t.  The reflection in the mirror isnt me at all.  The reflection is of a weak woman who’s trying to make their way though life.  I see the fat that hangs from my belly, and I feel ashamed.  How could I let myself go for so long.  I do good for a while and then I give in.  I can’t keep doing that.  If I do, I will never truely be healthy.  I want to beat the odds.  A majority of my family is obese, or has illnesses/diseases that I don’t want to have to face. 

I want to be a mom, but how can I subject my child to my lifestyle.  If I were to get pregnant right now, how healthy would my child be?  I have to do this so that I can love me.  I have to do this so that when I have kids I can play and run with them.  I have done the damage for too long.  Its time to actually stick with it.  I’m here for the long run, once and for all.

The next thing, is to get my husband to join this journey with me…..

Regretting the toxic food I have put into my body today.  Went to lunch with my sister and had fried fish and french fries.  Very bad choice.  My stomach feels like I ate a rock or something.  Not feeling so well.  I have been doing so good food wise over the past week.  I have managed to get back down to where I was before I started eating crazy again.  I bought healthy food for me for lunches for the next two weeks.  So I have no reason to go crazy on the junk that I don’t need.  I watched the biggest loser the other night, and it kind of opened my eyes up a little bit.  If I don’t do something, I will be like one of them. 

I’m hoping to get myself back onto a work out schedule.  I have been so crazy busy over the past month or so, that I really haven’t had much time.  Time to work on my physically.  Wish me luck.